I just wanted to tell you that Danijela and I were in bed and she said "Let's not do that tonight" and I didn't understand what she was talking about. I said "What do you mean?" She said "Let's not hold hands tonight ... maybe tomorrow." She turned over and went to sleep. I love it ... she always wanted to hold hands when we went to bed.
I went to Margaret's to get Danijela to bath before her trip home to see Mommie. She was happy to go with me. She said "Grammy, before I go home, I am going to give you a big hug." And she did.
One of the sweetest memories was to looking out back and seeing Poppy and Luka going to the feeders to put out seeds for the birds. Poppy was so big and Luka, so small, was following him. Poppy took some time to teach Luka to walk and not be carried all of the time. I must admit that he was carried most of the time. When Poppy came into the room Luka would call out "Poppppppy." Like Danijela, Luka loved the old clock. We taught him to say "tick-tock." And it was very clear what he was saying. He loved the I Spy books just like Andi and Sam.
We enjoyed the children. My hat of to you both because it is a lot of work.
I love you.
Mom (aka Grammy)
September 29, 2008
September 25, 2008
Facing the Giants
Danny stayed home yesterday to spend time with just me. He selected a couple movies. One was "Facing the Giants." Watch the clip posted above. When the coach dropped to his knees, I realized Danny getting incredibly emotional. Through his tears he said, "That is how I see you, Angela. You are Brock (the football player). You just don't give up." Oh, my heart swelled as my eyes welled. I told him I need him to be my earthly coach. God will be with us to face our Giant (depression).
September 23, 2008
September 19, 2008
September 16, 2008
God Spoke
Dear Dejan,
God spoke to me. Specifically, it was during the Re-Engage leadership meeting this week. It was crystal clear and yet very difficult to hear. Not because God spoke softly, quite the opposite. It was difficult because the truth hurts when you realize how wrong you have been for too long.
The few people that know me well use the word “mercy” to describe me. That includes you. I’m told that is my gift. I don’t necessarily see it, but hear it often enough to accept there is truth in the sentiment. I can say I try, almost desperately, to stand in another person’s “shoes” to understand their perspective, learning from them and loving them where they are. If I have any reason to believe they’ve been forgotten by the masses, the feisty part of my personality rises up in often inappropriate ways. I believe that's because I closely relate to them. That's how I see myself in the context of this world. In truth, I shouldn’t. I should understand and experience God’s love daily as His child. I am not forgotten.
I recently wrote a blog post about the "One.” My words focused on reaching the one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget them. We are busy. We move on. And, yet, they are waiting. In their own way, they are waiting for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them.
It hit me like being pulled under the surf. With all my effort toward the forgotten I missed the ONE. I’m guilty. I missed the most important human being in my life, my own husband. The man who gave his life to me. I’ve been engulfed, for so long, in my own pain and focus on others, including our own children, that I let you go. You are the one waiting in the corner. You are the ONE God is calling me to right now. Not tomorrow. It's not the masses. It's not the ones. You are the ONE. While all are unimaginably important and I will continue to purse them, I left you behind without a glance back over my shoulder. I left our marriage behind. You are the one God gave me. It's not that others are less important. It's that I let you become less than important.
Please forgive me, Dejan. Life will not change overnight. I'm stubborn and rooted it bad habits. I know how important you are. Without a strong and beautiful marriage we simply impart these same mistakes on our children. On another generation. God asks more of us and we are capable of more.
I love you,
Angela
God spoke to me. Specifically, it was during the Re-Engage leadership meeting this week. It was crystal clear and yet very difficult to hear. Not because God spoke softly, quite the opposite. It was difficult because the truth hurts when you realize how wrong you have been for too long.
The few people that know me well use the word “mercy” to describe me. That includes you. I’m told that is my gift. I don’t necessarily see it, but hear it often enough to accept there is truth in the sentiment. I can say I try, almost desperately, to stand in another person’s “shoes” to understand their perspective, learning from them and loving them where they are. If I have any reason to believe they’ve been forgotten by the masses, the feisty part of my personality rises up in often inappropriate ways. I believe that's because I closely relate to them. That's how I see myself in the context of this world. In truth, I shouldn’t. I should understand and experience God’s love daily as His child. I am not forgotten.
I recently wrote a blog post about the "One.” My words focused on reaching the one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget them. We are busy. We move on. And, yet, they are waiting. In their own way, they are waiting for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them.
It hit me like being pulled under the surf. With all my effort toward the forgotten I missed the ONE. I’m guilty. I missed the most important human being in my life, my own husband. The man who gave his life to me. I’ve been engulfed, for so long, in my own pain and focus on others, including our own children, that I let you go. You are the one waiting in the corner. You are the ONE God is calling me to right now. Not tomorrow. It's not the masses. It's not the ones. You are the ONE. While all are unimaginably important and I will continue to purse them, I left you behind without a glance back over my shoulder. I left our marriage behind. You are the one God gave me. It's not that others are less important. It's that I let you become less than important.
Please forgive me, Dejan. Life will not change overnight. I'm stubborn and rooted it bad habits. I know how important you are. Without a strong and beautiful marriage we simply impart these same mistakes on our children. On another generation. God asks more of us and we are capable of more.
I love you,
Angela
Super Surprise
Jan has worked too hard to make this a special day for Dan & me. They are the best of friends. She stepped in wanting to help immediately. She offered and made the most delicious cake ever (from scratch). I confessed to her this morning that after everyone left and I cleaned up ... I took that thing down with a fork & milk (delivered by Don). You cannot, in any way, compare what she made with her hands with the surprise song & (store bought) cake she received from us. Her birthday is Friday. Happy Birthday, sweet Jan.
Scratch
Happy birthday, Tata. It all started as a simple idea (at the last minute) to make 45 cupcakes to celebrate your birthday. I thought we'd squeeze the small celebration into the community groups guys' meeting Monday night. Surprise you. No big deal. Oh, right, except I'm unprepared 100%. I'm suffering from depression that presents itself as complete chaos in my head. Including making simple cupcakes.
You ended up with a beautiful "surprise," an amazing cake (thank you, Jan!) & 12 cupcakes (from me & Danijela). I must "toot toot" my horn because the frosting & cupcakes were made from scratch. The sad part of the story is it was primarily motivated by my fear of leaving the house. I love you, Dejan. I love those that kept my head up too.
You ended up with a beautiful "surprise," an amazing cake (thank you, Jan!) & 12 cupcakes (from me & Danijela). I must "toot toot" my horn because the frosting & cupcakes were made from scratch. The sad part of the story is it was primarily motivated by my fear of leaving the house. I love you, Dejan. I love those that kept my head up too.
September 8, 2008
September 7, 2008
Naked Mole Rat
Go away already, Angela. You said you were and you keep "talking" (blah, blah, blah). Yes, I did. And, yes, here I am to share something (hold your breath) funny! While I'm admittedly having a really tough go of it (no fault of my husband or babies) the naked mole rat showed its face today. Welcome to the Dallas Zoo, people. Even the tiny artist that created it was a little freaked.
Can you blame her? Oh, yes, that would be real llama hair (go figure) the kids glued to the face. I've a strange suspicion I'll be sleeping with Danijela invited or not. The zoo totally rocks, by the way. Just not a fan of the naked mole rat. And, notice the fine print? Hum. Not thinking I'll be cutting it out to make a mask. But thanks for the suggestion, Mr. Zoo.
September 6, 2008
My Grandmother
My grandmother only
tells one story now.
I went to elementary school
with Walt Disney.
Inside her head,
lives someone grousing,
(I'm not sure who,)
What's your claim
to fame?
But I know
Moon cookies,
Applesauce,
Elby,
John,
Michael, Margaret, Angela,
Taylor and Kelsey.
Every morning,
the spider glides from spoke to spoke
repairing its web.
In the evening,
the birds fly back and forth
offering communion
to their young.
Our lives affect
so little.
Our lives affect
so much.
I rock my grandmother
in my arms like a baby.
As she goes to sleep
I reassure,
Grandmother, Walt Disney went to elementary school
with you.
_______________________
By John Michael Chapman
Read at Edna Mae Chapman's funeral. I'm sorry I never truly appreciated those words you wrote until today. It seems so long ago. I hope I am less blind to the world and more mature to God's love. I love you, precious brother.
tells one story now.
I went to elementary school
with Walt Disney.
Inside her head,
lives someone grousing,
(I'm not sure who,)
What's your claim
to fame?
But I know
Moon cookies,
Applesauce,
Elby,
John,
Michael, Margaret, Angela,
Taylor and Kelsey.
Every morning,
the spider glides from spoke to spoke
repairing its web.
In the evening,
the birds fly back and forth
offering communion
to their young.
Our lives affect
so little.
Our lives affect
so much.
I rock my grandmother
in my arms like a baby.
As she goes to sleep
I reassure,
Grandmother, Walt Disney went to elementary school
with you.
_______________________
By John Michael Chapman
Read at Edna Mae Chapman's funeral. I'm sorry I never truly appreciated those words you wrote until today. It seems so long ago. I hope I am less blind to the world and more mature to God's love. I love you, precious brother.
June 5, 1973 - February 22, 2008
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 3:03:01 PM
Subject: [LFHMC] Thank you!
Devra and Polly just came by with all the amazing things and I don't know what to say other then Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. It means more to my family and I then you will ever know. I am so thankful to be a part of such an amazing group of women! I am fighting hard everyday and hope to be back to myself soon. Thank you again for everything, especially all your prayers.
Many Many thanks,
Erin
This is Nevaeh (Heaven backwards). One child Erin left on this earth when she died of breast cancer. I know she also has one older son I didn't have the privilege of meeting. Can you imagine? I cannot. This isn't meant to be a sad post as much as a thought provoking one. One does matter and always will. Reach out, please. To someone. To anyone.
Subject: [LFHMC] Thank you!
Devra and Polly just came by with all the amazing things and I don't know what to say other then Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. It means more to my family and I then you will ever know. I am so thankful to be a part of such an amazing group of women! I am fighting hard everyday and hope to be back to myself soon. Thank you again for everything, especially all your prayers.
Many Many thanks,
Erin
This is Nevaeh (Heaven backwards). One child Erin left on this earth when she died of breast cancer. I know she also has one older son I didn't have the privilege of meeting. Can you imagine? I cannot. This isn't meant to be a sad post as much as a thought provoking one. One does matter and always will. Reach out, please. To someone. To anyone.
September 5, 2008
September 2, 2008
One
"Suppose one of you had a 100 sheep and lost one. Wouldn't you leave the 99 in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, 'Celebrate with me! I've found my lost sheep!' Count on it—there's more joy in heaven over one sinner's rescued life than over 99 good people in no need of rescue." -- Jesus Christ (Luke 15:4-7)
If someone came to know the love and joy of Christ there would be (and is) rejoicing in Heaven. We (me included) forget about the one too often.
The one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or the one partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or the one with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget. We get busy. We move on. And they are simply waiting, in their own way, for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them. That's all.
I don't want to forget.
If someone came to know the love and joy of Christ there would be (and is) rejoicing in Heaven. We (me included) forget about the one too often.
The one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or the one partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or the one with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget. We get busy. We move on. And they are simply waiting, in their own way, for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them. That's all.
I don't want to forget.
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