October 11, 2008
October 10, 2008
October 9, 2008
October 7, 2008
Good Shaped Head
I've wanted to shave my head for a long time. My friends think I'm nuts, as well as my family. I don't want to scare my children. I would also like lots of tatoos. Significant tattoos. Don't panic. I haven't done it yet. This is an experiment. I did start the process of removing a tattoo on my back to replace it with meaning. Need to post those. So my sweet, kind friends said "Do whatever (high priced) Johnny says." The beauty of this was I told him what I ultimately wanted to do. He said I had the "perfect shaped head" for shaving. Not the answer my friends were seeking. I haven't done it yet. But, in reality, it will grow back. It’s hair for goodness sake. What do you think?
October 6, 2008
October 4, 2008
Pretty in Pink
My friends would tell you I'm not a girly-girl, at all. Never was. I need fashion help & they've admitted that as well. No secret & no offense taken. But our girl, oh goodness, she loves pink. She likes all things pink. She likes anything that sparkles. She likes anything Hello Kitty. Danijela is a girly-girl. Period.Out of the blue, today, Danijela told me she wants to marry Luka (her brother). I said brothers and sisters don't marry each other. She clarified. She explained she would wait until he got a little bigger. I repeated myself. She asked "Then how will I find someone to marry me?" I said we pray for God to bring you the special man that will love you like her Tata loves God and me. She didn't say another word. I think she might have been praying.
October 1, 2008
Dear Anonymous
The last blog is posted with words sent to me by my own incredible mother (a.k.a. Grammy). From the depth of her heart she reached out to help our family. I'm suffering from sometimes dibilitating depression. She saw a need and answered, as did my father (a.k.a. Poppy). They stayed in Austin -- a safe place filled with family, immesureable amounts of love, & fun.
On a regular basis, we don't sleep with our children. But, oh, how there are times I want to be right next to them hearing them breath. I often sneak in to hold them in the middle of the night & am so thankful for that time. Life on Earth is finite. Love is not. God is Love.
Our family is God's gift to us. I hope your comment was not a slam to those parents that choose to sleep with their children. There are many. They do it out of nothing but love & doing what they believe is right for their family.
On a regular basis, we don't sleep with our children. But, oh, how there are times I want to be right next to them hearing them breath. I often sneak in to hold them in the middle of the night & am so thankful for that time. Life on Earth is finite. Love is not. God is Love.
Our family is God's gift to us. I hope your comment was not a slam to those parents that choose to sleep with their children. There are many. They do it out of nothing but love & doing what they believe is right for their family.
September 29, 2008
I just wanted to tell you
I just wanted to tell you that Danijela and I were in bed and she said "Let's not do that tonight" and I didn't understand what she was talking about. I said "What do you mean?" She said "Let's not hold hands tonight ... maybe tomorrow." She turned over and went to sleep. I love it ... she always wanted to hold hands when we went to bed.
I went to Margaret's to get Danijela to bath before her trip home to see Mommie. She was happy to go with me. She said "Grammy, before I go home, I am going to give you a big hug." And she did.
One of the sweetest memories was to looking out back and seeing Poppy and Luka going to the feeders to put out seeds for the birds. Poppy was so big and Luka, so small, was following him. Poppy took some time to teach Luka to walk and not be carried all of the time. I must admit that he was carried most of the time. When Poppy came into the room Luka would call out "Poppppppy." Like Danijela, Luka loved the old clock. We taught him to say "tick-tock." And it was very clear what he was saying. He loved the I Spy books just like Andi and Sam.
We enjoyed the children. My hat of to you both because it is a lot of work.
I love you.
Mom (aka Grammy)
I went to Margaret's to get Danijela to bath before her trip home to see Mommie. She was happy to go with me. She said "Grammy, before I go home, I am going to give you a big hug." And she did.
One of the sweetest memories was to looking out back and seeing Poppy and Luka going to the feeders to put out seeds for the birds. Poppy was so big and Luka, so small, was following him. Poppy took some time to teach Luka to walk and not be carried all of the time. I must admit that he was carried most of the time. When Poppy came into the room Luka would call out "Poppppppy." Like Danijela, Luka loved the old clock. We taught him to say "tick-tock." And it was very clear what he was saying. He loved the I Spy books just like Andi and Sam.
We enjoyed the children. My hat of to you both because it is a lot of work.
I love you.
Mom (aka Grammy)
September 25, 2008
Facing the Giants
Danny stayed home yesterday to spend time with just me. He selected a couple movies. One was "Facing the Giants." Watch the clip posted above. When the coach dropped to his knees, I realized Danny getting incredibly emotional. Through his tears he said, "That is how I see you, Angela. You are Brock (the football player). You just don't give up." Oh, my heart swelled as my eyes welled. I told him I need him to be my earthly coach. God will be with us to face our Giant (depression).
September 23, 2008
September 19, 2008
September 16, 2008
God Spoke
Dear Dejan,
God spoke to me. Specifically, it was during the Re-Engage leadership meeting this week. It was crystal clear and yet very difficult to hear. Not because God spoke softly, quite the opposite. It was difficult because the truth hurts when you realize how wrong you have been for too long.
The few people that know me well use the word “mercy” to describe me. That includes you. I’m told that is my gift. I don’t necessarily see it, but hear it often enough to accept there is truth in the sentiment. I can say I try, almost desperately, to stand in another person’s “shoes” to understand their perspective, learning from them and loving them where they are. If I have any reason to believe they’ve been forgotten by the masses, the feisty part of my personality rises up in often inappropriate ways. I believe that's because I closely relate to them. That's how I see myself in the context of this world. In truth, I shouldn’t. I should understand and experience God’s love daily as His child. I am not forgotten.
I recently wrote a blog post about the "One.” My words focused on reaching the one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget them. We are busy. We move on. And, yet, they are waiting. In their own way, they are waiting for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them.
It hit me like being pulled under the surf. With all my effort toward the forgotten I missed the ONE. I’m guilty. I missed the most important human being in my life, my own husband. The man who gave his life to me. I’ve been engulfed, for so long, in my own pain and focus on others, including our own children, that I let you go. You are the one waiting in the corner. You are the ONE God is calling me to right now. Not tomorrow. It's not the masses. It's not the ones. You are the ONE. While all are unimaginably important and I will continue to purse them, I left you behind without a glance back over my shoulder. I left our marriage behind. You are the one God gave me. It's not that others are less important. It's that I let you become less than important.
Please forgive me, Dejan. Life will not change overnight. I'm stubborn and rooted it bad habits. I know how important you are. Without a strong and beautiful marriage we simply impart these same mistakes on our children. On another generation. God asks more of us and we are capable of more.
I love you,
Angela
God spoke to me. Specifically, it was during the Re-Engage leadership meeting this week. It was crystal clear and yet very difficult to hear. Not because God spoke softly, quite the opposite. It was difficult because the truth hurts when you realize how wrong you have been for too long.
The few people that know me well use the word “mercy” to describe me. That includes you. I’m told that is my gift. I don’t necessarily see it, but hear it often enough to accept there is truth in the sentiment. I can say I try, almost desperately, to stand in another person’s “shoes” to understand their perspective, learning from them and loving them where they are. If I have any reason to believe they’ve been forgotten by the masses, the feisty part of my personality rises up in often inappropriate ways. I believe that's because I closely relate to them. That's how I see myself in the context of this world. In truth, I shouldn’t. I should understand and experience God’s love daily as His child. I am not forgotten.
I recently wrote a blog post about the "One.” My words focused on reaching the one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget them. We are busy. We move on. And, yet, they are waiting. In their own way, they are waiting for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them.
It hit me like being pulled under the surf. With all my effort toward the forgotten I missed the ONE. I’m guilty. I missed the most important human being in my life, my own husband. The man who gave his life to me. I’ve been engulfed, for so long, in my own pain and focus on others, including our own children, that I let you go. You are the one waiting in the corner. You are the ONE God is calling me to right now. Not tomorrow. It's not the masses. It's not the ones. You are the ONE. While all are unimaginably important and I will continue to purse them, I left you behind without a glance back over my shoulder. I left our marriage behind. You are the one God gave me. It's not that others are less important. It's that I let you become less than important.
Please forgive me, Dejan. Life will not change overnight. I'm stubborn and rooted it bad habits. I know how important you are. Without a strong and beautiful marriage we simply impart these same mistakes on our children. On another generation. God asks more of us and we are capable of more.
I love you,
Angela
Super Surprise
Jan has worked too hard to make this a special day for Dan & me. They are the best of friends. She stepped in wanting to help immediately. She offered and made the most delicious cake ever (from scratch). I confessed to her this morning that after everyone left and I cleaned up ... I took that thing down with a fork & milk (delivered by Don). You cannot, in any way, compare what she made with her hands with the surprise song & (store bought) cake she received from us. Her birthday is Friday. Happy Birthday, sweet Jan.
Scratch
Happy birthday, Tata. It all started as a simple idea (at the last minute) to make 45 cupcakes to celebrate your birthday. I thought we'd squeeze the small celebration into the community groups guys' meeting Monday night. Surprise you. No big deal. Oh, right, except I'm unprepared 100%. I'm suffering from depression that presents itself as complete chaos in my head. Including making simple cupcakes.
You ended up with a beautiful "surprise," an amazing cake (thank you, Jan!) & 12 cupcakes (from me & Danijela). I must "toot toot" my horn because the frosting & cupcakes were made from scratch. The sad part of the story is it was primarily motivated by my fear of leaving the house. I love you, Dejan. I love those that kept my head up too.
You ended up with a beautiful "surprise," an amazing cake (thank you, Jan!) & 12 cupcakes (from me & Danijela). I must "toot toot" my horn because the frosting & cupcakes were made from scratch. The sad part of the story is it was primarily motivated by my fear of leaving the house. I love you, Dejan. I love those that kept my head up too.
September 8, 2008
September 7, 2008
Naked Mole Rat
Go away already, Angela. You said you were and you keep "talking" (blah, blah, blah). Yes, I did. And, yes, here I am to share something (hold your breath) funny! While I'm admittedly having a really tough go of it (no fault of my husband or babies) the naked mole rat showed its face today. Welcome to the Dallas Zoo, people. Even the tiny artist that created it was a little freaked.
Can you blame her? Oh, yes, that would be real llama hair (go figure) the kids glued to the face. I've a strange suspicion I'll be sleeping with Danijela invited or not. The zoo totally rocks, by the way. Just not a fan of the naked mole rat. And, notice the fine print? Hum. Not thinking I'll be cutting it out to make a mask. But thanks for the suggestion, Mr. Zoo.
September 6, 2008
My Grandmother
My grandmother only
tells one story now.
I went to elementary school
with Walt Disney.
Inside her head,
lives someone grousing,
(I'm not sure who,)
What's your claim
to fame?
But I know
Moon cookies,
Applesauce,
Elby,
John,
Michael, Margaret, Angela,
Taylor and Kelsey.
Every morning,
the spider glides from spoke to spoke
repairing its web.
In the evening,
the birds fly back and forth
offering communion
to their young.
Our lives affect
so little.
Our lives affect
so much.
I rock my grandmother
in my arms like a baby.
As she goes to sleep
I reassure,
Grandmother, Walt Disney went to elementary school
with you.
_______________________
By John Michael Chapman
Read at Edna Mae Chapman's funeral. I'm sorry I never truly appreciated those words you wrote until today. It seems so long ago. I hope I am less blind to the world and more mature to God's love. I love you, precious brother.
tells one story now.
I went to elementary school
with Walt Disney.
Inside her head,
lives someone grousing,
(I'm not sure who,)
What's your claim
to fame?
But I know
Moon cookies,
Applesauce,
Elby,
John,
Michael, Margaret, Angela,
Taylor and Kelsey.
Every morning,
the spider glides from spoke to spoke
repairing its web.
In the evening,
the birds fly back and forth
offering communion
to their young.
Our lives affect
so little.
Our lives affect
so much.
I rock my grandmother
in my arms like a baby.
As she goes to sleep
I reassure,
Grandmother, Walt Disney went to elementary school
with you.
_______________________
By John Michael Chapman
Read at Edna Mae Chapman's funeral. I'm sorry I never truly appreciated those words you wrote until today. It seems so long ago. I hope I am less blind to the world and more mature to God's love. I love you, precious brother.
June 5, 1973 - February 22, 2008
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 3:03:01 PM
Subject: [LFHMC] Thank you!
Devra and Polly just came by with all the amazing things and I don't know what to say other then Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. It means more to my family and I then you will ever know. I am so thankful to be a part of such an amazing group of women! I am fighting hard everyday and hope to be back to myself soon. Thank you again for everything, especially all your prayers.
Many Many thanks,
Erin
This is Nevaeh (Heaven backwards). One child Erin left on this earth when she died of breast cancer. I know she also has one older son I didn't have the privilege of meeting. Can you imagine? I cannot. This isn't meant to be a sad post as much as a thought provoking one. One does matter and always will. Reach out, please. To someone. To anyone.
Subject: [LFHMC] Thank you!
Devra and Polly just came by with all the amazing things and I don't know what to say other then Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. It means more to my family and I then you will ever know. I am so thankful to be a part of such an amazing group of women! I am fighting hard everyday and hope to be back to myself soon. Thank you again for everything, especially all your prayers.
Many Many thanks,
Erin
This is Nevaeh (Heaven backwards). One child Erin left on this earth when she died of breast cancer. I know she also has one older son I didn't have the privilege of meeting. Can you imagine? I cannot. This isn't meant to be a sad post as much as a thought provoking one. One does matter and always will. Reach out, please. To someone. To anyone.
September 5, 2008
September 2, 2008
One
"Suppose one of you had a 100 sheep and lost one. Wouldn't you leave the 99 in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, 'Celebrate with me! I've found my lost sheep!' Count on it—there's more joy in heaven over one sinner's rescued life than over 99 good people in no need of rescue." -- Jesus Christ (Luke 15:4-7)
If someone came to know the love and joy of Christ there would be (and is) rejoicing in Heaven. We (me included) forget about the one too often.
The one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or the one partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or the one with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget. We get busy. We move on. And they are simply waiting, in their own way, for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them. That's all.
I don't want to forget.
If someone came to know the love and joy of Christ there would be (and is) rejoicing in Heaven. We (me included) forget about the one too often.
The one that doesn't look like you or act like you. The one sitting alone in a corner or the one partying it up in the middle of it all. The one with the tattoo running down his body or the one with the smart-ass look on his face. The one with the heavy makeup or missing teeth. The one that doesn't smell "right." The one that avoids you. The one you avoid. We forget. We get busy. We move on. And they are simply waiting, in their own way, for someone, anyone, to reach out and share God’s love with them. That's all.
I don't want to forget.
August 31, 2008
August 30, 2008
Kirsten
I have sisters in this life that I treasure. Like pure, precious gold. We watch over each other & express our love often because, quite frankly, we see each other more frequently. And I can kiss them! It's hard, but blesses this 99.9% introvert called "me."
You (man, stop making me cry) are a person I hurt or made uncomfortable. To this day it breaks by heart & I live with regret. I wasn't able to reach out to you physically & need to (so all about ME). I want to look you in the eye & ask your forgiveness. I might even completely blubber. The crazy part is I know you forgive me. I really do. Yet I need you to know that I realize I made a horrible mistake & am so incredibly sorry. If I could change it all -- oh, how I would.
I love you, Kirsten. You are so special to me & CG. You have taught me & loved me for just being me. You do see my heart. Just as it is. You are just one more reason I know there is a God that loves us beyond anything we could imagine.
You (man, stop making me cry) are a person I hurt or made uncomfortable. To this day it breaks by heart & I live with regret. I wasn't able to reach out to you physically & need to (so all about ME). I want to look you in the eye & ask your forgiveness. I might even completely blubber. The crazy part is I know you forgive me. I really do. Yet I need you to know that I realize I made a horrible mistake & am so incredibly sorry. If I could change it all -- oh, how I would.
I love you, Kirsten. You are so special to me & CG. You have taught me & loved me for just being me. You do see my heart. Just as it is. You are just one more reason I know there is a God that loves us beyond anything we could imagine.
August 29, 2008
Our Olympian
That's our little man! The broad shoulders are compliments of the camera angle. But the image makes me think about the man he'll become so much sooner than we can comprehend. Now, I don't yet know the sport for which Luka is properly suited. I know it's not a sport but he'd be an excellent candidate for Fear Factor. He'd win by sheer will. If there's any sport related to loud continuous yelling that would be a good one too. Oh, another would be wrestling (without any rules). What else? Definitely some type of climbing, falling, climbing, falling type event. I now refer to him as "Pistol." I've been openly confided in, by the coolest chick in church childcare, that in the past (wink) the workers ducked for cover when seeing him headed their way. He's definitely a handful. But, oh, how I love that kid. He just wants what he wants when he wants it. He has yet to develop the social graces to get them without being obnoxious at an ear-splitting level.
When you read this, Luka, I want you to know this is in no way a dig to you. I think you are the coolest dude ever. Tata & Mama love you beyond measure. You make us laugh daily & teach us lessons we need. You make life exciting for all involved. I look forward to seeing how you choose to impact this world -- right now & as you grow.
Shapes
Triangle
Square
Circle
HeartCan you see her heart? I do. I experience it daily through her words, her eyes, her kisses, her hugs and her honesty. I experience it through her tears and frustration. I see it through her compassion and difficulty in sharing. She is not nor will she ever be perfect. God isn't looking for perfection. He looks right at your heart. Thank God He does not judge me by my ridiculous actions & words. Or by my acts of giving. He sees through all the surface junk and loves me just the same. I love Him. My heart. Her heart. Your heart is what matters.
August 28, 2008
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